Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
