She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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