I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
