were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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