I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
