my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
