apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
