Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
