Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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