Tell her she can't have a vagina
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
