Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
