Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
