I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
