I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
