forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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