so let's talk penis.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When are your genitals available?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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