Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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