from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
