it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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