I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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