I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
