If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
