I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
There's even glitter on my cock...
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