i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
