Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
