i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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