Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
