So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
