I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
