So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
