You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
