FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
