I'm going to jail i love you
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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