She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
