so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
