ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
