I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
