i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
