Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
