FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
