please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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