Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
