Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
