a queef is a wish your heart makes.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
