Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
