He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
