Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
