She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
