i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
