do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
